He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
