dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
