It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
