She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
