Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
