I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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