Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
