Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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