you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
