Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
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Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
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I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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