Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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