It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
