i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
