Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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