So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
