Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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