I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
