i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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