If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
