do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
