I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
