I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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