that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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