Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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