I wish I could punch you in the face.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Randomize
