Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
