I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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