He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
