"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
