im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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