Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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