I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
