worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
