I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
