We're facebook friends in real life
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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