You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
