xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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