Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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