Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
