just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
