I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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