piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
