Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
try to milk me bitch
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize