I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Did you just see the Batmobile???
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
