Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize