U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
