You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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