i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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