remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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