we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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