Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
