I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
