Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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