Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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