There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
