you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize