You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
