I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
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Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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