Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
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Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
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Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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