I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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