what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
