I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Someone came in the potted fern
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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