I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
