Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
